The Confession

It was midnight. I couldn’t sleep. I still couldn’t believe what I had said this afternoon. I finally did it though I kind of regretted it.

There was this girl in my class. Her name is Fina. Fina was a very popular girl in my school. Every boy in my school wanted to be her boyfriend because not only she is beautiful but also bright. Perhaps I was also one of them. But those were not the reason I liked her. To me, she was the only one who would speak to me and be my friend without ulterior motives. Not to brag myself, I was a bright student with a straight A in my report. Others would only come to me to ask for my help with homework or their assignment, especially when it came to math and chemistry. It’s not like I didn’t like to help them, but whenever they didn’t need me I was all alone because of my family background. And the only one who had ever talked to me was Fina. She would be my friend despite the fact that I came from a regular family, unlike the rest.

Fina and I had been friends since we were in junior high. We started our friendship when we were in the second grade. I remembered she stood up for me when some bullies in my school made fun of my thick eye glasses. They made me chased my glasses while they were passing the glasses to each other. I never dreamed that someone, especially a girl, would stand up for me. Ever since that day, we became friends. I felt comfortable around her and she always treated me nicely.

When we graduated from junior high, we decided to go to the same high school. Personally, I was glad that she asked me to go to the same school because I would feel lonely whenever she was not around. So, when she asked me, I said yes right away.

It seemed our friendship had led me to certain changes. I began to feel differently about Fina. I never knew this would happen. I always told myself that Fina was my friend and we would always be friends. I told myself that I couldn’t have any other feeling towards her. But I couldn’t lie to myself. I did feel differently towards her.
I didn’t know whether she realized my feeling to her. All I could do was to hide it no matter how. I doubted if she could accept me more than just being her friend. So far, she didn’t seem to notice what I was worried about.

As time passed by we were getting busier and busier. As the final exams approached, we rarely met each other. Fina was busy with her courses and additional lessons from her private teachers to prepare her for the exams. I was also busy preparing the exams by myself as my parents could not afford to send me to courses or additional lessons. I had to struggle by myself. I tried my best not to disappoint my parents. I wanted to get the best result. In that way, I hoped my parents would send me to college to continue my study or at least I could apply for some scholarship in one of the universities in town. In spite of my preparation for the exams, I always thought about Fina. I wondered if she was doing just fine. I just wished I could be of any help.

A week before the final exams, I met Fina. She looked very tired. We said hi to each other. I asked her how she’d been. She said she had done her best to prepare everything and felt confident about the exams. I was glad to hear that. We also talked about each other’s plan after the graduation. She told me that her parents wanted her to go to Bandung to study medicine, just like her father. I wasn’t surprised at all. She always wanted to be a doctor. She always told me how much she admired her father and how she could help people when they were sick. I could see her looked radiantly when she told me those things. But when she asked what my plan was, I couldn’t answer it. I didn’t know what to say. Then, I lied to her that I would also go to Bandung to study architecture, the study I loved so much. She smiled to show that she was glad to know it. It felt nice to be able to talk to Fina again.

And four days ago, I heard news that really surprised me. A friend told me that Anton, the school jock, would go to the prom with Fina. My friend also said that she already said yes. It really broke my heart. Everybody knew that Anton was a womanizer and there were many girls in school had become his ‘victims’. I really hated to imagine Fina went out on a date with him and then she was hurt. I thought I had to do something about this. I would not let anything to hurt her. I needed to tell her who Anton truly was. But I was afraid that she would be angry at me and thought that I was just jealous of him.

The next day I tried to gather my might and courage and looked for her to warn her about Anton. I asked her to meet me outside after school. It was 1.30. The final bell rang. I waited for Fina in front of the school. I had rehearsed my line the night before, so when the time came I would be ready. We finally met. I told her what I planned to say. I told her about Anton and what people said about him. At first, she didn’t say anything. Bu then she asked me, “What do you want me to say?” I froze for a while. Then I said, “Don’t go with him, please…” but later she asked me back, “Who should I go with then?” I didn’t say anything. I wanted to say, why wouldn’t she go with me, but I didn’t have the nerve to say it. And she left.

The following day, two days before the prom, I went to her house to convince her not to go to the prom with him. I stood in front of her door. This time I had to really convince her. I took a deep breath and readied myself. She opened the door and looked rather surprised. I began with my explanation about Anton and all his ex-girlfriends, and how he treated her exes. And one thing led to another, out of frustration I said the three words that I tried not to say to her for a long time. She was so surprised to hear it, but I didn’t have any chance to she how she reacted. I ran away. It was midnight. I couldn’t sleep. I still couldn’t believe what I had said this afternoon. I finally did it though I kind of regretted it. I just wished I died and disappeared.

The next morning, my mom got a phone call from Fina. She told me that she wanted to see me. I knew it. She had to be very angry at me. I was doomed. I knew I had to face her. So reluctantly I went to her house again. About a block from her place I could see she was waiting for me. I rushed my steps. When I was finally in front of her, she punched me on my shoulder, didn’t look angry at all. She said, “What took you so long to realize it?”